It aims to be: "A light hearted and satirical, though frequently factual look at Australia and the world."
Your supermarket may be moving
If you think you may be going insane when you next visit the supermarket
only to find tinned peas have moved from aisle six to aisle one, have no
fear - it is just called inflation. The trick is to confuse the consumer
by moving whole product lines to a different position in the store. So intent
on finding your favourite brand of toilet paper, the correlation between
product ghosting and price increase will probably float right by you.
Olympic ticket scam
The issue of the Olympic ticketing should make all Sydneysiders hang their
heads in collective shame. According to my roving reporter, who is still
crying into his beer after applying for $4000 worth of tickets and receiving
zilch in return, all who applied for tickets actually receive a 'reward'
- regardless of whether their bid was successful or not. Fifteen dollars
is deducted from their returned 'investment', and the lucky things receive
a Sydney 2000 Olympic Games Program. It seems logical that only a minority
would wish to have a program of events that they won't get to see!
Millennium Madness
The prices being charged to see in the New Year are nothing short of extortion.
It looks as if Sydney is destined to be the 'top spot' for a first glimpse
at 2000. For about $1500 you can snag a spot at Sydney's Opera House. A seat
on an old ferry battling its way across the harbour will set you back $260.
Pretty dismal, considering all concerned are being taken for a financial
ride. The advertising for the REAL new millennium will probably begin on
1st January, 2000.
Poetic Premonition
In my column on 3rd November, I mentioned a poem with reference to the Republic.
It actually reflects a lot of what is occurring in politics and the world
today. Here is the original piece in its entirety:
Prevention is better than cure?
Twas a dangerous cliff, as they freely confessed,
Though to walk near its crest was so pleasant;
But over its terrible edge there had slipped
A duke, and full many a peasant.
The people said something would have to be done,
But their projects did not at all tally.
Some said, "Put a fence 'round the edge of the cliff";
Some, "An ambulance down in the valley."
The lament of the crowd was profound and was loud,
As their hearts overflowed with their pity;
But the cry for the ambulance carried the day
As it spread through the neighbouring city.
A collection was made, to accumulate aid,
And the dwellers in highway and alley
Gave dollars or cents - not to furnish a fence -
But an ambulance down in the valley.
"For the cliff is all right if you're careful", they said;
"And if folks ever slip and are dropping,
It isn't the slipping that hurts them so much
As the shock down below - when they're stopping."
So for years (we have heard), as these mishaps occurred
Quick forth would the rescuers sally,
To pick up the victims who fell from the cliff,
With the ambulance down in the valley.
Said one to his plea, "It's a marvel to me
That you'd give so much greater attention
To repairing results than to curing the cause;
You had much better aim at prevention.
For the mischief, of course, should be stopped at its source,
Come, neighbours and friends let us rally.
It is far better sense to rely on a fence
Than an ambulance down in the valley."
"He is wrong in his head", the majority said;
"He would end all our earnest endeavour.
He's a man who would shirk this responsible work,
But we will support it forever.
Aren't we picking up all, just as fast as they fall.
And giving them care liberally?
A superfluous fence is of no consequence,
If the ambulance works in the valley."
The story looks queer as we have written it here,
But things oft occur that are stranger.
More humane we assert, than to succor the hurt,
Is the plan of removing the danger.
The best possible course is to safeguard the source;
Attend to things rationally.
Yes, build up the fence and let us dispense
With the ambulance down in the valley.
Author unknown.
We all do it.
We all enjoy it.
We all live for it.
We all just can't stop the urge.
We all gossip.
Over the past week, I have been called ageist and sexist. Here's my favourite anecdote:
Re Old Lady with Cane.
A young man was so busy gawking at the service station/shop he didn't take due care and ran into the back of a car who consequentially was shunted into the side of another car emerging from that same s/station and severely injured an OLD INNOCENT driver who was stationary waiting her break in the traffic. The driver of car one had no insurance on his vehicle and the driver of car two did not attempt to brake in the 30 to 40 feet before impact. Perhaps there should be an inquiry into the driving practices of YOUNG people.
Grow up Kiddo we built this country, you are ruining it.
Older people, due to no fault of their own, often have physical limitations placed on their driving abilities. This is a fact that my comments last week were referring to. Young people are often impaired through lack of driving experience. Mandatory driving programs may be of benefit. Financially, they are punished through the cost of insurance. Nonetheless, I'd hate to be a male driver under 25.
Send me your goss at: thegrapevine@chickmail.com
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